Get Outside Yourself
by Linda Larsen, CSP
© Copyright 2000

You know the experience. Things are not going the way you'd like in your life. You're feeling under-appreciated, overworked, out of shape and discouraged. Everywhere you look you see things falling apart. You think about yourself, your dismal lot in life and the misery that seems to be heaped on your head.

It's bad. Very bad. And it seems that the more you think about it, the worse it becomes. You see no remedy in sight, no light at the end of the tunnel and no rest for the weary. You need help - in a big way.

The good news is that there IS help. The intriguing news is that it's coming in disguise. You see, we might simply be focused in the wrong place. Most of the time, we logically think that if something out there will change, then we'll be fine. But remember Dr. Covey's words: "Any time you think the problem is 'out there' - that thought is the problem." There is no white knight. No one's coming to take the garbage away and we can't expect that things will clear up of their own accord. We have to shift our focus.

Here's the first idea. If you don't want your problems to seem so big and overwhelming - STOP STARING AT THEM! Now, don't deny it - you know you do it. In all sorts of ways. Let's say you're making a presentation in front of a large group of people. It suddenly occurs to you that you don't know what to do with your hands. The more you think about it - the bigger, more awkward and clumsy your hands become. Pretty soon they feel like 200 pound boulders hanging at the ends of your arms. You put them in your pockets. That doesn't work. You put them behind you and in front of you. But everything you do feels awkward and stupid.

Isn't it true? The more you focus on what to do with your hands, the worse it becomes. Whereas, if you would just turn your attention to what you have to say, to the importance of your message and to why people need to hear it - your hands would take fabulous care of themselves. Those are really smart cookies - those hands of yours.

Next idea. When life seems overwhelming - look around, find someone who also seems to be suffering - and offer to help them! Volunteer to help feed the homeless, or paint a house for Habitat for Humanity. Maybe you have an elderly neighbor down the street who is alone and lonely. Offer to read the paper or a book to her. Do you know a young couple that is really struggling with money issues? Why not offer to baby-sit their children one evening so they can have a night out at the movies.

Have you ever had this happen? I remember once I had a really bad headache. The more I focused on it the worse it got. I was moping around, bemoaning my miserable state when suddenly I discovered that a hose connecting my washing machine to the water source had ruptured and water was gushing out of the broken hose. My entire laundry room was completely drenched. I flew into action. For almost 2 hours I worked to clean up the mess.

Later, after the last item was dried off, I noticed that I still had a little bit of a headache. But I assure you that while I was focused on a bigger problem, I had no awareness whatsoever of a headache. In other words, while I was outside myself that horrible headache didn't even exist.

The bottom line is this. No matter how bad things seem, no matter how tragic or hopeless, there is always someone who feels the same way, or worse. In those times, if we will turn our attention to helping others, the benefits will be astounding. We'll notice things like:

We feel a sense of contribution - of making a positive difference
We forget about our problems for the time being
When we get back to them - they are in a much healthier perspective
We build our own self esteem
The other person feels better
We set a wonderful example for others - and for our children

Get outside yourself. Give - unabashedly. Share of your time, your talents and your treasures. It always, always comes back to you somewhere down the line.

Word count: 746

Tag line: Linda Larsen, CSP, helps individuals think strategically, communicate effectively, and celebrate success. She is an international keynote speaker, trial consultant and author of the book, True Power, and the best selling audio program, 12 Secrets to High Self-Esteem. She can be reached at www.lindalarsen.com or 941-927-4700.

 

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