The Gift of a Loving Coach
by Linda Larsen, CSP
© Copyright 2000

"Just breathe, Linda. Remember, 'open, pleasant, neutral, relaxed.'"

I kept repeating the words over to myself as the man at the convention center reluctantly went off to look for my boxes of supplies. He insisted that they weren't there - but, to humor me, said he would go look again.

I had 200 people signed up for my workshop in this enormous convention center in Brisbane, Australia and no one could seem to find the boxes with the workbooks. I was growing more frustrated by the minute. I had no one to call - since I couldn't figure out how to make my international calling card work. I had no time to make 200 copies of the one workbook I had with me. And even if I could find the time to make the copies - I had no clue where an open business center could be found at 7 a.m.

Now, the good news was that my husband, John, was there with me. He had decided to take time off from his job to travel with me and attend the seminars I would be teaching throughout the country. Before we left, I had the idea that if he was going to be with me the whole time, perhaps he would be willing to be my "coach." I asked him to observe me during the day and give me feedback about my effectiveness - or, lack thereof. I wanted feedback on everything, from how I interacted with hotel staff and program managers to how I conducted my seminar. I told him that he had plenty of room to be honest with me. And wouldn't you know it, he WAS!

After the conference center manager walked off, John leaned over and asked if I would like a little feedback. I have to tell you, that even though I had asked him to do that, I was startled that he thought there was something that I needed to be aware of.

"Wasn't my voice calm and level when I spoke to him?" I asked.

"Well, yes," he replied. "But it wasn't your voice. Did you notice how when you asked him a question you stepped in to him, and when he answered he stepped back? And did you notice that you stepped in again and he stepped back again? You did it several times. I think he was feeling a little attacked."

I was stunned. This couldn't be true! I didn't remember aggressing in on him. How could I do something like that and not even be aware I was doing it???

Yes, it was one more of those ineffective habits of mine. One I wasn't even aware of. And, once again, it was running the show.

Now, I study this stuff, I teach it, and I think I practice it quite a bit. But here's the truth for all of us, including me - most of the time, we do not know how we are "being" in the world. We don't know what we are doing that isn't working. We just keep on doing it, thinking there must be something wrong with them when we don't get the results that we want. We don't know - because we can't see ourselves as others see us.

Ahhh, but you can if you get yourself a coach. More specifically - a loving coach. One who is out to support you in what you are trying to create. One who knows how to offer wise observations with gentle objectivity. One who has your permission to hold up a mirror so that you can see yourself as the world does.

My suggestion to you is to find yourself such a coach. Let it be someone you trust and respect, someone whose insights are offered with loving detachment. Someone who likes you in spite of how you may act sometimes!

But if you do - beware! Remember that wise old saying:

The truth will set you free...

But first it will tick you off.

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Tag line: Linda Larsen, CSP, helps individuals think strategically, communicate effectively, and celebrate success. She is an international keynote speaker, trial consultant and author of the book, True Power, and the best selling audio program, 12 Secrets to High Self-Esteem. She can be reached at www.lindalarsen.com or 941-927-4700.

 

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