A Really Great Question
by Linda Larsen, CSP
© Copyright 2000

I love my son, Miles. He teaches me the most wonderful distinctions each time we are together, and this weekend was no different.

He was telling me about a conversation he recently had with his friend Kevin. It centered around whether a certain college basketball player was right-handed or left-handed. When Kevin stated that the guy was left-handed, Miles responded that he was pretty sure he was actually right-handed. Kevin emphatically replied, "Oh no. He's definitely left-handed."

It was at this point that Miles knew he had a choice. Feeling about 100% certain that the player was indeed right-handed, he could have chosen to hammer it home, present more facts and stand his ground - OR he could choose to let it go. After a moment he responded, "Well, you could be right." And he dropped it there.

When I asked him how he was able to do that, when he knew he was right, he offered the following awareness: "At a moment like that, when I feel compelled to take an action or say something, or prove a point or whatever, I ask myself the following question: 'Will the action I am now considering - strengthen this relationship - or weaken it?' And once I have an answer to that question - my choice becomes clear."

Miles could see where this encounter was going to take them. Kevin was not the kind of guy to eventually say, "You know, I could very well be wrong about this." He was, rather, the sort to dig his heels in and be RIGHT - at any cost.

And you and I know what cost we are talking about. We are talking about the cost to a relationship when I am not willing to let you look good by being right because, after all, you aren't right! Kevin paid a cost here - and he didn't even know it. His action weakened the relationship.

Let's take this concept into the business world. Let's say you have a customer or a client who is disputing a portion of a bill and your instinct is to refuse to give in (because, after all, it's a matter of principle). Pause before you act. Consider the question, "Will this action I am inclined to take strengthen or weaken this relationship?"

I believe if you asked this question you would make some important discoveries. And if you considered removing the disputed amount (with a positive, agreeable attitude), you would see how your relationship with this person could be strengthened in the following ways:
1. Loyalty would be increased.
2. Positive word of mouth would ensue.
3. You become the kind of person people LOVE to do business with.
4. You would feel good about your actions.

I'm not saying lie down on the floor and let people walk on you, but rather weigh the cost before you act.

BEWARE: THIS STRATEGY TAKES CONSCIOUSNESS! It will not be your natural instinct to stop and ask this question before you act. I am therefore suggesting that you take a stack of post-it notes, write this question on about ten of them, and place them around where you can be reminded.

Sooooooo. Let me ask you this: Could creating these reminder notes and posting them where you can see them potentially strengthen or weaken your relationships with others?

Really great question. Word count: 566

Tag line: Linda Larsen, CSP, helps individuals think strategically, communicate effectively, and celebrate success. She is an international keynote speaker, trial consultant and author of the book, True Power, and the best selling audio program, 12 Secrets to High Self-Esteem. She can be reached at www.lindalarsen.com or 941-927-4700.

 

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