Are You With Me?
by Linda Larsen, CSP
© Copyright 2000

We can gesture with our heads. Did you know that? It's true. Nodding is, indeed, a gesture. But what exactly does the gesture called "nodding" mean? If you are making a sales presentation to a prospect does their nodding mean that they are ready to buy? Well, maybe yes, and maybe no. It all depends on whether you are talking to a man or a woman.

While this is indeed a generalization, it basically goes like this. Men nod to communicate agreement. Women nod to indicate that they are listening. The problem arises when we interpret the nodding of the opposite sex to mean what WE would mean.

Observe the problem: a salesperson (man) and a customer (woman) in communication. He is talking about his proposal. She is listening and while doing so, frequently nods (again, from her perspective, to communicate: "I'm listening. I'm with you"). He walks away from the presentation, encounters his manager who asks how it went.

"Great!" he replies. "She seemed to agree with everything I said."

Whoops. Houston, we have a problem.

Here's the morale of the story. Neither person is right or wrong in what nodding means to them. They simply need to be aware of the differences.

As a woman, listening to a man espouse a point of view or idea I don't necessarily agree with, I want to make certain that I keep my nodding to an absolute minimum. Or, if I am the sales person talking to male customer and he is not nodding – I must not think that he isn’t listening, doesn’t hear me or isn’t interested.

And you men out there, if a woman is talking to you, do not think that nodding to her while she is speaking will indicate agreement. She will probably not interpret your nodding to mean that. More than likely she will simply get the sense that you are listening and hearing her. And that builds rapport – a good thing. Conversely – if you are talking and she is nodding her head off – do not interpret that to mean she agrees. She’s just communicating that she is tuned in.

Bottom line - understand what a gesture or piece of communication might mean to a person of the opposite sex - and adjust accordingly. It's called "flexibility."

Are you with me? I can't see whether you are nodding or not.

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Tag line: Linda Larsen, CSP, helps individuals think strategically, communicate effectively, and celebrate success. She is an international keynote speaker, trial consultant and author of the book, True Power, and the best selling audio program, 12 Secrets to High Self-Esteem. She can be reached at www.lindalarsen.com or 941-927-4700.

 

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