Let's Face It!
by Linda Larsen, CSP
© Copyright 2000

It had been an hour and a half since we'd ordered and our entrees had still not arrived. Even though it was a dinner to celebrate our anniversary, my husband still had to get up at 4:30 a.m. the next morning to do his television weatherman thing. So, it was with regret that we canceled our order and asked for the check.

When our eager, but stressed waitress told the manager of the restaurant that we were leaving, he came over to us and made his first mistake. With absolutely no expression on his face, he said, "What's your problem?"

Wrong.

Number 1. The word "problem" often creates....a problem.

Number 2. MY problem? I don't think so. Doesn't that denote that there is something wrong with ME? Tell your customer that THEY have a problem - and believe me, YOU now have a bigger problem. (By the way, for life purposes here, your spouse, coworker, or friend could be considered your customer, couldn't they?)

Number 3. His face got me long before he even opened his mouth. His face did not say, "I'm concerned. You are important to me. I value you." His face said....nothing. Blank. Zip. And if you show nothing on your face to indicate a genuine caring - then a blank face, coupled with the words, "what's your problem?" can impact your listener in an extremely negative way.

OK, I've said it before and I'll say it again. GO CHECK OUT YOUR FACE! Look in the mirror and say words! Talk to yourself in the mirror as if it were someone you normally talk to. See what it looks like. Get feedback from others. Video tape yourself. (Now that will show you the real story!!)

Then what do you do? OK, don't laugh. Practice saying the same things in the mirror - this time do something different with your face. Relax it, lift your eyebrows, smile, for crying out loud!!

Look, if you are in high stakes negotiations, playing poker, or all by yourself - then fine. Paint your face on and then spray it with hair spray so it will never move. Who cares. But most of the time, in most situations, you need to show a little concern, empathy, compassion and caring. Notice I didn't say just "feel" those things - If you "feel" them but they don't show up on your face - it doesn't count! Many, many wonderful caring people have simply never learned to let those feelings be reflected on their faces. Then, when someone in their life comments that they seem so negative or appear not to care or are "difficult" in some way, they counter with, "But it's not true!!"

Remember that powerful fundamental of communication: The meaning of any piece of communication (and your face is a really big communicator) lies only in what the receiver takes it to mean - regardless of the sender's intention.

So, now let's address the words. What if that man had said this:

"I understand that you had to cancel your meal. I am so sorry. I don't want you to leave hungry and unhappy. What can I do to correct this situation?"

Add those words to a smiling, genuinely concerned face and you have your basic home run here.

Let's face it. Isn't this a more effective way of communicating with others, to build healthy relationships and improve your bottom line?

Word count: 578

Tag line: Linda Larsen, CSP, helps individuals think strategically, communicate effectively, and celebrate success. She is an international keynote speaker, trial consultant and author of the book, True Power, and the best selling audio program, 12 Secrets to High Self-Esteem. She can be reached at www.lindalarsen.com or 941-927-4700.

 

Articles Menu / Next Article / Previous Article