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It's Time to Take Out the Garbage
by Linda Larsen, CSP
© Copyright 2000
An old Zen story tells of two monks who were walking by a river at daybreak in the early spring. Because of the melting snow, the river level was high above its banks and totally covered the local footbridge. A young woman in a silk dress stood helplessly by the rushing water, afraid to try and cross on the submerged bridge. She looked pleadingly at the monks. Without a word, one of the monks picked her up, held her firmly above the raging water, struggled across the bridge and finally set her down on the other side of the river. He returned back to his companion, and without a word they continued along their journey until sunset when their vows allowed them to speak.
The second monk angrily confronted his friend. "How could you have picked up that woman? You know we are prohibited from thinking about women, much less touching them. You are a disgrace to our entire order." "Honorable brother," replied the first monk, "I put that woman down on the other side of the river at sunrise. It is you who have been carrying her around all day."
What past hurt, anger or resentment have we been carrying around for years, like so many bags of heavy garbage? It's time to let it go. It simply does not serve us and it puts us in a place of total powerlessness. We are using up too many valuable attention units and are only hurting ourselves. And we are hurting ourselves - physically.
The New York Times reported that angry, cynical people are five times as likely to die under age 50 as people who are calm and trusting. Hostile, lonely, resentful people get sick more often, are injured more often, take longer to recover from illness or injury and suffer more complications during recovery. They are placing themselves at great risk by dwelling in the misery of past grievances. My friend David once remarked that hanging on to resentment is like you drinking poison - hoping the other person will die. Great analogy.
Here's your mission - if you should decide to take it. Recall one person that you are harboring some resentment toward. This could be a family member, a coworker, a friend or a past associate. Think of what they did - and then put it in the much larger picture. If you were lying on your deathbed, would it really matter what they did? If we were being threatened by nuclear destruction - would this old event even enter your consciousness? How fast could you let it go, if your child or a loved one were being threatened at gunpoint until you released it?
I know those things sound dramatic, but they are no less dramatic than the injury you are causing to yourself, your health and your peace of mind. The only difference is - you can't actually see what you're doing to yourself, until it's too late.
So - recall the event, detach emotionally, put it in perspective and forgive. If you don't feel you can forgive just yet, then simply state to yourself, "I am willing to forgive. I am willing to forgive." Then move on. You may either communicate directly with the other person or not. That's up to you. The bottom line is that by letting go of this past resentment, you are putting yourself squarely in the driver's seat of your life. You are saying that you no longer choose to be a victim to someone else's choices. You are reclaiming your own good health, peace of mind and lightness of being.
Remember, forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.
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Tag line: Linda Larsen, CSP, helps individuals think strategically, communicate effectively, and celebrate success. She is an international keynote speaker, trial consultant and author of the book, True Power, and the best selling audio program, 12 Secrets to High Self-Esteem. She can be reached at www.lindalarsen.com or 941-927-4700.
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