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Why Does This Always Happen to Me?
by Linda Larsen, CSP
© Copyright 2000

Have you ever had this experience? You're sliding along in life, thinking everything's going fairly well, when all of a sudden - wham! Once again, the bottom falls out of your best-laid plans. And what's really frustrating is that the circumstances surrounding the event look suspiciously familiar. Can you relate to any of these?

1. Again - get passed over for a promotion
2. Again - you end up working directly with the single most negative person in the company
3. Again - your new love interest starts taking you for granted
4. Again - someone accuses you of something you absolutely did not do
5. Again - someone you thought you could trust lets you down
6. Again - another business partner doesn't pull their fare share

The list could surely go on and on. Life is full of examples of the "same old thing" showing up time and time again. But my question is why? Why does this happen? Is it just a coincidence? Is there someone to blame? And most important - is there anything I can do to get out of the loop?

First of all, I am convinced that in life we either grow - or we die. There is no sitting still. Sitting still is really going backwards. All of life is designed to move us forward. All of our systems - the Universe, our planet, our bodies and our relationships - are created to push us toward greater awareness, fuller expression and a richer existence. Accordingly, every - and I do believe EVERY - experience in our lives is presented as an opportunity to expand our consciousness, and our capacity to love (ourselves and others). In other words, they are designed to help us grow.

So - coincidence? I think not. Someone to blame? No. Maybe someone to thank would be more like it.

Here's one of mine. A couple of weeks ago I decided to treat myself to a massage. I left my house with "just enough time" to get to my massage therapist's office. And wouldn't you know it? I hit every red light between my house and her office. As I drove along I cursed the city planners for creating so many blasted lights, the other drivers for being on the road when I needed the road, and myself for not allowing more time to get there. As a result of all this, I could feel my tension and frustration intensifying as I drove along. The muscles in my neck, which were already tense - were beginning to turn to rocks!

Well, now. How long did I have to continue that absurdity before I finally got it? At one point, as I sat at the longest light in the history of the world, something dawned on me. Notice my thought process:

"Why does this always happen to me?" (Snarl, gripe, blame, snort) And finally, "Oh yeah. Because there's something in it for me to learn. Because it's a recurring theme and I'm either going to figure it out or continue to find myself in this miserable feeling state for the rest of my life! So. What am I supposed to learn from this experience? How am I supposed to grow?"
And then it hit me. "It's about letting go of the things I cannot change. There is nothing I can do about the lights and the other traffic! They exist! That's the reality! I could have chosen to leave a little early, but I didn't. So now I can choose to either relax and breathe and get there when I get there, or I can continue to cause disease to my body, put undue stress on my heart and calcify all the muscles in my body. Now is the time to really learn - patience."

So in that moment, as I sat at the light, I took a deep breath and thought about how funny my actions are sometimes. I thought about how many times I had experienced impatience in my life - probably several times every day! I also thought about how many times I have spouted platitudes about how difficult situations exist in order for us to learn something. And here I was - finally having a real "aha" moment about a specific area of my life that needed work. A smile made it's way to my lips as I drove up to the next light - which turned red just as I got there - of course. I laughed to myself. "Thank you!" I said out loud. "Thank you for giving me the chance to really get this thing called patience."

As I approached the next light I remember thinking, "Oh please let it be red. Please. I'd love another practice session." Red it was.

I laughed all the way to my massage therapist's. And when I pulled into her parking lot, about 10 minutes late, I purposefully sauntered up to her door. Not ran - as I normally would, but strolled. Smiling. Relaxed. Happy.

I realize that the next time I'm running late, I probably won't automatically experience patience in the face of the problem. But maybe - just maybe - the time it takes me to remember will be shorter. And the next time - even shorter.

What is the gold in that recurring theme in your life? What is the lesson for you? Is it about trusting your instincts? Is it about asserting yourself when you feel you have been overlooked or taken advantage of? Is it that your need for friendship or companionship has you settling for less than what you deserve? Is it about finally embodying compassion? Or acting in a loving, kind manner - even when it would be most justifiable to do otherwise?

Only you know the answer for you. My suggestion is simply that you notice when "the same thing" happens to you again this week. Just notice, detach and ask for the awareness. It will come. Sooner or later, it will come.

Word count: 1004

Tag line: Linda Larsen, CSP, helps individuals think strategically, communicate effectively, and celebrate success. She is an international keynote speaker, trial consultant and author of the book, True Power, and the best selling audio program, 12 Secrets to High Self-Esteem. She can be reached at www.lindalarsen.com or 941-927-4700.

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