Articles Menu >
When On Mars...
by Linda Larsen, CSP
© Copyright 2003
It was 2:30 in the afternoon and I was typing away - deeply engrossed in my writing project when the door to my office flew open. Startled, I whipped around just as my husband abruptly declared, "I need your help."
Just like that. No "Honey, I'm sorry to interrupt you..." No "Linda, I know your really busy, but..." Not even, "Sweetheart, if it's not too much trouble could you..." Simply a flat statement with no apparent appreciation for what I was doing.
Here are all the thoughts that flew into my head before I responded (all in about 2 seconds, mind you): "Excuse me? Can't you see I'm working here? I wouldn't come down to the television station, barge into the middle of your work and expect you to drop everything and help me! Not only that, but you aren't being very polite about the whole thing!"
Well, that's what I thought. The really, really GREAT news is that it wasn't what I actually said. Although there have been many, many times in the past that I have responded automatically with whatever pea-brained thoughts that came into my head, I am actually finding more and more times when I consciously choose my response. This was one of those times.
Since he was installing a new front door all by himself, and since he seldom asks me for help unless he really does need it, I did get up and follow him to the other side of the house. After holding the door jamb in place as he requested, I then said:
"John, when you come into my office when I'm writing and simply state, 'I need your help', it not only jolts me and breaks my concentration, it also makes me think you don't take my work seriously. I know you do need assistance from time to time with what you're doing, and I do want to help. What I need for you to do is ask for my help in a different way."
He is such an amazing man. And living with someone who places such a high value on how people communicate can't always be easy. But in spite of this he responded, "And how would you like for me to ask you the next time I need help and you're busy."
I said, "I need you to say, 'Linda, I know you are really busy and I hate to interrupt you, but it's important. Could you help me out?'" I told him if he did that, it would work perfectly for me. He said (albeit it in a somewhat terse manner) that he would do that.
I went back to my office and in about 3 minutes, the door flew open again. It was John and he looked like a man with a mission.
"OK," he said. "I'll do that. I'll ask you for help they way you want me to. And when you need help from me and I'm working at my computer, I want you to ask me in a way that works for me."
"Alright," I replied. "And how would that be?"
"I want you to walk in and say, 'I need your help.'"
He further stated, "If you stand there and go on and on about how you know I'm busy and you don't want to bother me and if it's not too much trouble, then I'll get really ticked off because that's time I could have spent fixing your problem!"
He got me. He was simply saying that the communication method that I needed was not the one that he preferred.
What I'm learning time and time again is that it is NOT about right or wrong. It's that what works for one person simply may not work for the other person.
So, when in Rome, speak like a Roman. And when on Mars...
Word Count: 651
Tag line: Linda Larsen, CSP, helps individuals think strategically, communicate effectively, and celebrate success. She is an international keynote speaker, trial consultant and author of the book, True Power, and the best selling audio program, 12 Secrets to High Self-Esteem. She can be reached at www.lindalarsen.com or 941-927-4700.
Back to top > |
