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Let It Go, Let It Go, Let It Go
by Linda Larsen, CSP
© Copyright 2000
You hear it all the time. You're in the middle of a huge frustration. And some well-meaning person says to you, "Oh, you should just let it go."
I have a question. Have you ever, in that exact moment, actually said, "Oh my gosh, you are so right. Why, I'll just let it go this very instant." And then - poof! It was gone? Has that happened to you? Because if it has, I want you to let me know how you did it.
For most of us - even though we know that there is probably nothing we can do to affect a change in a certain circumstance, person or situation - it is almost impossible to actually let it go. We may distract ourselves for a moment or two, but the frustration, anger or resentment almost always creeps back in.
I finally figured out why it is so hard to actually let go, and what it takes to correct the problem. The following three steps are key:
1. YOU MUST MAKE A DECISION AND A COMMITMENT TO LET GO. Here's a major part of the problem. We know we should let it go. We want to let it go. But do we ever make a firm, committed decision to let it go? I don't think so. Walking around thinking, "I know I should let this go, but it just makes me so angry. He's such an idiot. What is his problem?" Blah, blah, blah is not a decision. It is, rather, an action designed to exacerbate the situation and inflame your emotions. So, the first step is to say to yourself, "I am deciding to let this go. I am committed. I choose to be free of the stress that thinking about this causes me."
2. KNOW THAT IT'S NOT A ONE TIME DEAL. Now, here's the big challenge. We think that if we make the decision and say the words, then all the stars are supposed to line up and we'll never have to think about it again. Wrong. Letting something go is a process! You see, we have learned certain thinking patterns (holding on to frustration being one of them) that have become habits. Unconscious habits, at that. And I'm sure you know that it will take more than one conscious effort to break a habit. So the secret is to not only commit to let go - but also to commit to stay in the process.
3. PRACTICE THOUGHT STOPPING. It's simple behavior modification. When you consciously notice that you are back in the anger, frustration or resentment mode, yell "Stop!" right out loud. Well, OK, if you're standing in front of a client or your boss at the time, that might not work. In that case yell, "Stop!" silently, in your mind. Then, immediately replace the negative thought with your statement of commitment. So, the conversation in your mind might go something like this:
"I hate it when he does that. He drives me crazy!"
"Stop! There is nothing I can do about this. I am deciding to let it go. I am committed. I choose to be free of the stress that thinking about this causes me."
"Yeah, but it's so frustrating!"
"Stop! I am committed to let this go."
"But it's sooooo terrrrrrrible!"
"Stop! It doesn't affect me. I let this go."
Yes, it will feel awkward and uncomfortable - breaking any unwanted habit will. But I assure you, if you commit and practice enough, you will prevail. And what is the payoff for sticking with this system? How about peace of mind, better health, stronger relationships, more happiness, self respect.... The list goes on and on.
One last thought. This is a system that can be beneficial when there is a situation over which you have no control. If someone is doing something that directly affects you, or there is something you need from another person, it is always your perfect right to ask for what you want. But if you ask several times, offer options and alternatives, negotiate for win-win and they still do not comply, then you might have to opt to "Let it Go." If you commit to the above three steps and practice diligently, you will be successful.
Word count: 726
Tag line: Linda Larsen, CSP, helps individuals think strategically, communicate effectively, and celebrate success. She is an international keynote speaker, trial consultant and author of the book, True Power, and the best selling audio program, 12 Secrets to High Self-Esteem. She can be reached at www.lindalarsen.com or 941-927-4700.
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