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Walk it Out
by Linda Larsen, CSP
© Copyright 2000
As a road warrior, I have discovered ways to make traveling a little easier on my challenged lower back. One thing that helps immensely when I am flying is to find one of those little pillows on airplanes and strategically place it on the seat.
Last week, as I settled in for one of my flights, I asked the attendant if she could find me a pillow. She said she would look when she got a chance. I was on the first row of the coach class section - and she seemed stationed in the first class cabin. About ten minutes later, I asked if she had been able to find a pillow. She said she had not. Now, I had been watching her the entire time, and I noticed that she had never even looked for a pillow. I asked her, "Is there not one up front there in first class?" She replied, "No, there are none up here. I looked."
Just about that time another flight attendant from the back of the plane walked by me and I asked her if she would be kind enough to find me a pillow. She said, "certainly" and walked past me, into the first class cabin, opened an overhead bin and pull out a pillow.
I sat there thinking, "I KNEW there was a pillow up there. And I KNEW that the first flight attendant was not telling the truth when she said that she had looked for one. I have to admit that I sat there feeling quite aggravated. I thought to myself, "I'm going to tell her that what she did was wrong. I'm going to be straightforward and tell her how I feel about this."
Then a question occurred to me. Exactly what OUTCOME was I looking for by telling her how I felt? What did I want to have happen as a result of telling her my feelings? It couldn't be that I wanted a pillow. I already had one. Did I want (or remotely expect) her to throw herself down on the floor of the aisle and beg my forgiveness? What was it?
And once again I got it. I simply wanted to be right. Right that she shouldn't have done what she did and right about knowing all along what was happening. Yes, there it was again - that all-too-human need to "look good and be right". I'm just so amazed at how often I let that program drive my actions. Even getting her to simply say, "I'm sorry" was a way to prove that I was right and she was wrong.
Fortunately, at that point I was able to let it go. But I think that it was only because, before I took action, I walked it out in my mind to find out what was at play. And that is exactly what I am suggesting that you try. When you find yourself upset about something and you feel inclined to "speak your mind," first examine your reasoning. Is there a real outcome you are looking for - one that will actually fix a problem? Or is it just an opportunity for you to make someone else wrong - so that you can be right. If that's the case, try letting it go. Decide to release it and then stick with that decision until it goes away.
You will feel enormously powerful, relaxed and in control. It will make you smile and feel amazingly good. It's a delightful walk - if only in your mind.
Word count 591
Tag line: Linda Larsen, CSP helps individuals think strategically, communicate effectively, and celebrate success. She is an international keynote speaker, trial consultant and author of the book, True Power, and the best selling audio program, 12 Secrets to High Self-Esteem. She can be reached at www.lindalarsen.com or 941-927-4700.
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