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Erroneous Assumptions: The Stuff of High Drama
by Linda Larsen, CSP
© Copyright 2000

Have you ever known, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that something happened a certain way, only to find out later that it didn't actually happen that way at all? Does the following story sound familiar?

Juliet assumed that Romeo would get the message that she was going to drink a potion that would make it appear as if she were dead. He didn't.

Later Romeo found her lifeless body in a tomb, saw the empty poison bottle lying next to her and assumed that she was dead. She wasn't.

Overwhelmed by the loss of his true love, Romeo then killed himself with a knife. Juliet woke up moments later and found him lying dead next to her. Stricken with grief - she then killed herself.

Oh, the tragedy of erroneous assumptions.

Unfortunately, incorrect assumptions are not simply reserved for literature. They are occurring around us all the time! And because of them, conflicts occur, relationships are strained and actions are taken that may actually create a problem that wasn't ever there!

Example one: Jill walks by Mark. He says "hi" and she doesn't respond. He assumes, "Well, what's her problem?" He treats her a little coldly the rest of the day. She later notices this and wonders why he's being so standoffish. Reality: Someone a few feet away coughed at the exact moment he spoke and she didn't hear him.

Example two: A judge in the courtroom keeps frowning at one of the attorneys. She assumes, "He obviously doesn't like me, or my case, or my client. I just know he's going to rule against me." She starts getting nervous. Her nervousness undermines her effectiveness. The judge, in fact, does decide against her. Reality: He just put in new contacts that are uncomfortable and the only way he can see her clearly when she speaks is to squint.

Example three: I go to the phone store to purchase a new cell phone. The man behind the counter does not smile, does not say "I'll be with you in a moment," and doesn't appear interested in taking my money. When he does look up at me, he roles his eyes and takes a deep sigh. I assume, "He's certainly not a very good customer service provider. Maybe I should just take my business elsewhere." I walk out of the store determined to never come back. Reality: He just had a very disturbing phone call about his son and he's trying to figure out what to do.

Do you see the trap here? And do you see how, in each one of these situations, an erroneous assumption actually creates a problem? And why do we make all these negative assumptions? For one thing, it is estimated that the average person has about 40,000 thoughts per day and that about 80 to 90 percent of them are negative. Well, there's part of the problem right there.

Another contributing factor may be our tendency to take things so personally! Most of the time, and certainly in each one of the examples above, it isn't about us! We are simply not the center of everybody else's world!

The bottom line is this: we don't have to make these negative assumptions! We can make different, more empowering, and much wiser choices when confronted with these types of situations.

We could simply ask for clarification. In the first example, Mark could have said, "Jill, I noticed this morning when I said 'hi' to you, you didn't respond. That's not like you. Is something wrong?" That could have cleared things up right there. And if there really was a problem, the door has now been opened for discussion.

Here's another idea. When something happens and you find yourself starting to assume the worst, try doing the following 3 things:

Stop.

Simply breathe.

Ask yourself, "What other possible, logical, positive reason could there be for this to have happened?" Keep asking the question until you find a reason that would make sense.

Behave as if that explanation were true.

You'll notice when you do this that there's no negative energy around the event. You feel good, you are more pleasant to be around, people like you, and life is just a little easier.

Let's keep all that high drama where it belongs: in books, on the big screen and in television soap operas.

Word count: 738

Tag line: Linda Larsen, CSP, helps individuals think strategically, communicate effectively, and celebrate success. She is an international keynote speaker, trial consultant and author of the book, True Power, and the best selling audio program, 12 Secrets to High Self-Esteem. She can be reached at www.lindalarsen.com or 941-927-4700.

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