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Building Relationships - An important lesson learned
by Linda Larsen, CSP
© Copyright 2000

There is nothing more important than the relationships we have with other people. Every single action, goal, dream or idea, in some way or another, involves others. It stands to reason that the better our relationships, the better outcomes we enjoy. Happily, there are ways to use this awareness to the benefit of everyone involved, with integrity and honor.

I learned this years ago, when I was first starting out as a professional actress. I got some great advice from George Ryan, a very talented, highly sought after commercial actor friend of mine from New York. After landing my first S.A.G. (Screen Actor's Guild) job in a national commercial, I discovered that I had to legally join the union. Since there was already a "Linda Larsen" in SAG, my agent said I had to change my name. She suggested Melinda Larsen. I said I preferred Linda Lee Larsen. Nothing was confirmed. The next day after our conversation, without any consent from me, she ordered 200 photos with Melinda Larsen printed on them and sent me the bill.

I was incensed. I couldn't believe it! How she could do that? Who did she think she was? Blah, blah, blah. I called my friend, George, and asked him how I should handle it.

He said, "Call her back, thank her for her thoughtfulness. Tell her you can't believe what wonderful personal interest she is taking in you and that you feel extremely well represented. Tell her you really, really appreciate her. And sincerely mean it."

Then he said, "Go throw the pictures in the trash, pay the bill, and order new pictures with the name you want on them a few weeks later. When they arrive, send them to her and just say something like, "Dott, I just couldn't live with that name. I'm so sorry. I guess it's going to have to be Linda Lee Larsen." Send her flowers with another thank you note.

I asked George why in the world I should do that? After all SHE was the one who messed up. He said, "Linda, understand this right now. Everything in this business is about relationships. She is your link to all your future work. Alienate her - and you are dead in the water."

Fast forward. 10 years later - here's the picture. I have become her favorite "talent". Let's say a national production company is going to shoot a spot in Central Florida and they allow all the local agents 5 "slots" to fill with talent they think would be appropriate. Now remember - for "women, mid thirties, all American mom-type" - Dott represented about 150 women. Who do you think always got one of the 5 slots?

Over the years I did dozens of national and regional television commercials, a television pilot, 3 films - and all because Dott loved me. Even when she sent me out on the wrong audition, or gave me the wrong time slot or bad directions - when it was so frustrating that I wanted to scream - I just thanked her, and told her how much I appreciated her.

People used to say; "Oh well, you just got all the breaks." No, I MADE those breaks. George's words were, "Be the kind of person that people love to work with." Best advice I ever got in my life.

So if our relationships in life, with coworkers, bosses, subordinates, family and friends are going to be good, it's going to be because we consciously create them. Does that mean you never ask for what you want? Absolutely not. If something doesn't work for you (and it's about picking your battles, isn't it?) then make a clear request. Let them know that you totally appreciate what challenges they are up against, AND you need x, y, or z. You'll be amazed at how many times they say yes.

I believe that we create the people around us - and we create the relationships we enjoy/don't enjoy with them. I believe in taking responsibility for my outcomes. If I don't like what's going on - then the first place I need to look is right in the mirror.

My suggestion would be to sit down and make a comprehensive list of the important relationships in your life. As you examine each one, think about what is important to that person and how you can help them achieve their goals. Ask yourself, "What could I do today to support that person in their endeavors? How can I acknowledge them for their efforts and actions? Give, unabashedly. Don't be focused on what you will get in return. That will take care of itself. Somehow, somewhere it will come back to you.

Word count: 786

Tag line: Linda Larsen, CSP, helps individuals think strategically, communicate effectively, and celebrate success. She is an international keynote speaker, trial consultant and author of the book, True Power, and the best selling audio program, 12 Secrets to High Self-Esteem. She can be reached at www.lindalarsen.com or 941-927-4700.

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