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Are You Talking to Me? How to Effectively Receive Feedback
by Linda Larsen, CSP
© Copyright 2000

You know they're going to do it at some time or another. Whether it's a family member, a co-worker, a boss or a friend, someone's going to want to give you a little "feedback". And some people seem to make it their life's mission to continually tell you exactly what you are doing wrong, and how to do it right.

Under the best of conditions, it's not easy to hear such feedback, especially if you think the person could be right. It can be embarrassing. It often feels like someone just pointed out that you have spinach between your teeth. If you think they're wrong and just trying to make you look bad, your tendency may be to smack them in the mouth. Either way, if you give in to your emotions, there could be trouble in River City.

Let's assume for a moment that the feedback is coming from your boss, a client or a family member and there is a good possibility that she is right. Here are a few things you can do to ease the process and make a very positive impression.

Breathe. Before you flinch, speak, defend or roll your eyes, take a breath and decide to respond consciously. While you are breathing!

Detach. Separate yourself from the criticism. It isn't about you, it's about an action of yours.

Listen. Tune in to what she is saying, not to the rebuttal you are planning in your head.

Feedback. Let her know that you truly are listening. Whether you say things like, "Sounds like you needed..." or "I see what you're saying," give her feedback that says you are hearing her.

Take full responsibility. And use those exact words. "I take full responsibility for my actions."

Apologize. You can do this diplomatically. Possibilities include:

"I apologize." How's that for simplicity? But remember, you must mean it.
"I am so sorry my actions had this impact. That certainly was not my intention."
"I deeply regret this."

State a future intention.

"I'll definitely focus on this in the future."
"I'll make certain this doesn't happen again."

Thank the other person. This one can be hard, but is a necessary step. Consider things like:

"Thank you very much for bringing this to my attention." "I appreciate your giving me this feedback. Please, if you notice something like this again, do let me know."

Two important things to remember. One: your actions MUST match your words. You must mean what you say. Two: it's helpful to memorize some of these responses so that you are prepared and don't have to scramble around trying to think of what to say.

When you take the above actions, instead of crossing your arms, sighing, interrupting and defending yourself, you are presenting yourself as a true professional. You are demonstrating that you are open, flexible, and willing to grow and learn. Sounds like qualities of a true leader, doesn't it?

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Tag line: Linda Larsen, CSP, helps individuals think strategically, communicate effectively, and celebrate success. She is an international keynote speaker, trial consultant and author of the book, True Power, and the best selling audio program, 12 Secrets to High Self-Esteem. She can be reached at www.lindalarsen.com or 941-927-4700.

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