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Teach Me Today
by Linda Larsen, CSP
© Copyright 2000
If we are to be successful in this world – we need other people. It’s as simple as that. We cannot do it alone – whatever "it" represents to you. We can force other people to do what we want, or we can create the kind of dynamics where they are downright eager to help us out. There’s no contest as to which strategy would work the best in the long run.
One way to insure that people want to do things for you, support you, and be in relationship with you is to make certain that they have associated some really good feelings with your face. In other words, the mere mention of your name and image of you in their minds, calls up positive, enjoyable associations.
Now, you could make certain that every time you saw them you handed them a $100 bill (well, it would create a positive emotional state for them, now wouldn’t it?). Even though that strategy would indeed make them associate GREAT feelings with you, it might not be very effective as it could lead you to eventual bankruptcy. There is, however, one thing you can do that costs nothing and is guaranteed to create the kind of relationship you are looking for.
First of all, let’s revisit the concept of "Lookin’ Good and Bein’ Right." You remember this. It’s the one where each person is driven by the need to look good and be right. When you help people look good and be right and they reeeeeally like you. And, how can you help them look good? By asking them to teach you something. Notice something they do well and ask them how they do it.
I know this sounds ridiculously simple. But the truth is that we don’t do it all that often. And why? Because WE are also driven by the need to look good. And we erroneously think that we will accomplish that by telling others what we know. The crazy part, however, is that most of the time this doesn’t work. When we walk around trying to make ourselves look good by telling others they way things are and shouting platitudes of wisdom – we inadvertently are doing just the opposite.
Here’s my suggestion. List three people in your life that you would like to have a better relationship with. And if you really want to test this theory, you can actually list three of your most difficult people. Then along side their name, jot down something they do well. Your task then, is to find those people within 24 hours and ask them how they do it. Then really listen. Ask more questions. Be interested in their answers. Actually say the following words: "I never knew that. Tell me more."
If you have some resistance here, that’s probably pretty normal. You see, there’s a part of you that feels this person is wrong for being the way they are or doing what they do. And the last thing you want to do is make them look good by telling them that they are right about something. Because…. You want to be right about how wrong they are.
Do you see the twisted cycle here?
So. Become teachable!
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Tag line: Linda Larsen, CSP, helps individuals think strategically, communicate effectively, and celebrate success. She is an international keynote speaker, trial consultant and author of the book, True Power, and the best selling audio program, 12 Secrets to High Self-Esteem. She can be reached at www.lindalarsen.com or 941-927-4700.
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