Positively Speaking by Linda Larsen

December 2008
Copyright 2008

by Linda Larsen

Success...At Long Last!

I am ALWAYS looking for ways to change a behavior that doesn't serve me.  And I'm astounded at how many times I know exactly what I should do - and HOW to do it...but I don't actually get it done!  Like, um...losing those 10 extra pounds, maybe?

Well.  The cavalry has arrived!

First, psychologists agree on this: We are motivated to make a change in our lives because we either think that we will benefit in some way if we do (achieve a pleasure) OR that there will be a price to be paid if we don't (avoid pain).  AND (and this is the cool part) research tells us that the avoidance of pain is a better motivator than the pursuit of pleasure.

Enter:  www.stickk.com.  Go to this site and sign a contract to meet a goal.  Then, enter the name of your referee (a spouse or colleague who will track your progress) and the email addresses of your supporters who will send you encouraging messages as you work toward your goal.  If your progress falters, the site automatically notifies everyone on your list.  Yikes!

You can also commit a sum of money as extra "leverage" to help you meet your goal.

So between the potential embarrassment of failing in front of your supporters (PAIN), PLUS the misery of losing money (MORE PAIN), your chances of success are greatly increased.  The site suggests a 78% success rate!

I'm so in.  Bye-bye flabby butt.

The Art of Being Pleasantly Persistent

My friend, Rick, would tell you that he was not the most talented actor in our class of 13 at the Florida State University/Asolo Conservatory.  Yes, 1,000 people nationwide audition each year for those coveted 12 or 13 places in their intensive 3 year graduate school program, so we know he was gifted.  But most of the students were BOFFO acting/singing/dancing talents (sorry, I can't put myself in that category either).  So why is it that after graduate school HE got more great acting jobs that anyone in our class?

Because he had mastered the art of being what I call "Pleasantly Persistent."

He made lots of phone calls, spoke with many people, sent thank you notes, used humor, asked again, and again...and again.  In other words, he didn't give up and would do things that most of us simply wouldn't do.  And he got the jobs.

We are told that the average person will get 7 to 10 "no's" before they will get the "yes" they are looking for.

So maybe the next time someone says "no" to you, you can respond by saying, "GREAT!  Thank you!  You only have to say 'no' 6 more times and then we'll be good to go!"

Words that work: "I will listen to you.  Especially when we disagree."

President-elect Barack Obama said those powerful words in his acceptance speech on November 4th.  And I know that I SAY I will listen when someone disagrees with me, but I'm not certain that I actually do it.  Evidence: When someone tried to tell me during the presidential campaign why THEIR candidate was so much better than mine.

Oh yes. While they talked I listened, all right.  I listened for them to shut up so that I could start talking.

Question.  What do YOU do when someone starts telling you something that you just KNOW you will disagree with?

Next time, in order to help myself follow President-elect Obama's good example, I think I'll use these...

Words that work:  "Tell me more about that."

When someone is telling you something that you strongly disagree with, and IF you want to build a relationship with that person rather than destroy it, then why not try the following:
1. Give the person your FULL attention
2. Let them talk, uninterrupted
3. Nod occasionally (no, it won't mean that you AGREE with them)
4. Occasionally say, "Tell me more about that."
5. Start over with step 1.

Ahhhhhh.  Good stuff.

Own Up Dudes!

Did anybody else, besides me, feel a little ticked off when the big auto maker execs flew into Washington on their oh-so-private jets to ask the taxpayers to give them money so that they didn't have to cut costs by...(here it comes) laying off employees?

Here's what I desperately wanted SOMEBODY to say, "You are right.  It is ridiculous of me to expect the taxpayers to pay for something that I'm not willing to pay for also.  Effective immediately I'm going to insist that our board approve a plan to sell our entire fleet of jets and institute a company wide policy that everyone from this company will always fly coach on commercial flights.  We will also eliminate ALL excesses of this nature and report back to our stockholders with exactly what we are doing to join the rest of America in cutting back.  I am extremely sorry that I have not done this sooner.  AND, I am doing it immediately."

Wow. Would you have had a little more respect for this person? I surely would have.

Which takes me to this question. Are YOU willing to take this kind of responsibility when something goes wrong?

See, I'll just bet you that every one of these guys feels, in some way, justified for continuing to do what they are doing.  WE can see that it's ridiculous, but can they?  And can YOU, when it's something that you are doing?

I invite you to join me in taking a really CLEAN look at any of your behaviors that you can own up to, take responsibility for changing, and apologize for.   It's not as easy as it looks.

GREAT Communication Technique for Children

I remember my good friend, Betsy Kane-Hartnett, co-founder of 40 Carrots Parenting Center saying that when you are training children, it is important to tell them what you want them TO DO, as opposed to what you want them NOT to do.  Look at these examples:

"Don't stand on the chair" vs. "Feet on the floor, please"
"Don't leave your toys on the floor" vs. "Toys go back to the box when you're done"
"Don't run around the pool" vs. "Walking only on the pool deck"

I can hear you now.  "And exactly how many times do I have say this before I end up saying, "how many times do I have to say this??????"  (Cute little pattern there...)

To answer your question: Maybe a lot. Maybe a WHOLE lot.  They are kids.  This is called training.  And I believe the parent who masters the art of being (you got it) Pleasantly Persistent increases the odds that they will end up with some well-adjusted, fairly happy children.

The Gift Behind the Sucky Economy

There IS one! And this is it. This is a PERFECT time for us to redesign the holidays and wipe the slate clean - at least in regards to gift giving.  Here's what you can do:

1. Call a family meeting
2. Make it a FUN meeting (not a solemn one)
3. Issue a challenge for everyone to find low/no-cost ideas for gifts for others

Here are just a FEW ideas that you could share:

- Pass something on.  If a family member has long admired something of yours, maybe this would be the time to gift it to them.
- Gifts of service. Example: Do your brother's ironing for "x" period of time
- "Lists of Love" - Write a list of the "Top 50 Things I Love About You" for someone you love.  Believe me, this would be a gift that would be treasured for a lifetime.
- Craft gifts
- Gifts of home-baked yummies
- Have a family yard sale and let the kids keep the $ from the proceeds of what they sell to use to buy gifts
- Give EACH OTHER the gift of a fabulous family bonding experience by making a difference in the lives of others less fortunate.  Volunteer as a FAMILY at a homeless shelter or food bank or Habitat for Humanity

If you decide to implement any of these ideas, it could be one of the most positive holiday experiences EVER!

Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to go.  I'm decorating 52 little blank place cards with quotes of love and adoration to give to a loved one - once a week for 52 weeks.

Kate's Corner
by Kate Holgate, Linda's Operations Manager

I'm baaaackkk!

As many of you may remember, I used to be a regular here on Linda's newsletter.  Well, I'm back!

One of the things I often wrote about was 'gratitude'.  Linda and I regularly have gratitude meetings when we share the special things we're grateful for.

I have a big one - and it's also the main reason why I've been missing for a while. One year ago this Thanksgiving day, my brother received a liver transplant. I took a leave of absence to go to VA to help with his after-care and have spent almost four of the past twelve months with him.  I'm thrilled to say that he is doing fantastic! I have learned so much about the power of love and hope and after spending 8 years waiting for him to die, I look forward to many years with a healthy, active and loving brother.

And I have another big one. This time it's about my Linda (ok, OUR Linda).  Aside from being deeply and profoundly grateful for her understanding, love and support over the past year, I'm button-busting proud of her. She has achieved something that only a tiny handful of speakers have achieved: she will be one of the main stage speakers at next summer's National Speaker's Association annual convention.  Folks, this is like winning the lottery and the Super Bowl on the same day - speaking to thousands of her peers!  No one deserves it more than Linda and I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to being in the audience - cheering for her like a crazy person!

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